Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
