it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Randomize
