is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
