census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
