when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
