I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
