Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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