Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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