Screwed.edu
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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