The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
