I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
