Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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