I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She said her name was "party"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
