Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
