we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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