the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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