hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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