I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
