I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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