Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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