Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
