If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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