ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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