watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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