I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
