you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
