This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
