i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
