the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to make out with him forever
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