ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
