Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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