RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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