I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
