Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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