I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
