I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
