Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
