OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
