i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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