I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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