batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
