I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
