Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
