So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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