Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
