I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
