I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was like eating out sand paper
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
