oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
