The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
