Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
