she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
